Lord, have MRSA on me.

Dear MRS. A,

Thanks for giving me my third to last day of work off! Because of your assistance I was able to get some moving errata accomplished and a full twelve hours of sleep. That said, I'd like to take you to task for a few things.

1. The extraordinary fever. I felt like the HUMAN TORCH.
2. The body aches and chills. It was very difficult to decide whether the fan should be off or on. Terrible.
3. The throbbing. Oh, the throbbing.
4. The oozing hole in my body. Also, six band-aid changes a day? Come on, now.
   
5. The detergent bodywash I get to start using in a couple of days. It cost me thirty dollars and is probably going to sting!
6. The weirdness that going back to work is going to be tomorrow, what with me being very behind on all the things and, oh yeah, them knowing that I've been with you. They all saw that 60 Minutes episode about the football players and they are FREAKED!

In closing, it's been nice knowing you, but I think it's time we went our separate ways. I anticipate dousing you in a chemical bath soon. Please, stop the oozing.

Regards,
John Smith